Trust, Trials and Honor
I lean not on my own understanding...I can't, because honestly this world does not make sense to me. We sat down and had a discussion a few days ago with a young man we know. As he was talking I could see the confusion in his face. "Why weren't other people respecting me?" You see he feels like he's trying to do the right thing and he feels like he's living his life right, but still lacks respect from others. So, why is it that when we seem to get it together and really try to live our life right (according to the Bible) people still don't like us or they don't suddenly respect us?
Sometimes the short answer to that question is "...because you love Jesus.". I've found myself in the "why me" phase several times, so much so that these days I don't even ask that. The Bible tells me I will face trials, bad things will come my way, trouble will happen, life won't always be easy just because I love Jesus and try my best to serve Him. I'm told to expect those "bad" things and I do. The Bible also tells me that God will work all things together for good for those that love Him. All things, expected or not, broken hearts, hurt feeling, ALL things will be worked for His good for those that love Him.
It is easy to ask "Why me?", "Why now?", but it is MORE important to ask "What can I learn from this?". "What is God trying to show me about Himself?" "What am I missing that I need to learn?" "How can I honor God during this?" None of this is easy for me when my heart is hurt. Unfortunately for me when I love, I love hard, so when someone hurts me it hurts DEEP. I often can feel suffocated by my feelings of hurt and I quickly spiral down into "Why me?" type feelings and attitude.
Lately as I've been more aware of myself, my natural way of handling things, and how I tend to operate I'm able to shift my thinking towards Him which is a small miracle really. Don't get me wrong at all...I do in fact have a situation I'm sitting in the "why?" stage on and God is reminding me of that as I type this. But my whole life is supposed to glorify Him...every trial, every struggle, every loss, every hurt no matter how deep and He has shown me over and over again that I can trust Him. He will work out the details. He will resolve the issues. It is HIS plan that matters. It is how I respond that matters.
Today that looks like not worrying about the plans of others. Why should I worry? God has already ordained and/or allowed what is to come. It also looks like not concerning myself with the latest gossip (concerning me) even though I know it is there. All of this is part of God's plan. It looks like remembering over and over again that God really does have this. I don't need to concern myself with what's next because I do live my life in an honest way. It looks like redirecting my thoughts because it comes natural to me to want to have a "plan A, B and C" just in case "they" do "X, Y or Z". If I truly believe that God has this (and I do), then I can relax and not have fear of the future.
Tears have fallen, my heart has been wounded, but I'm held by a sovereign God and I can know that we will be okay. My tears will dry up, my heart will heal and all of this will be and is worth it. The pain, sadness and betrayal is worth it because it is all for His glory and part of His plan. I've asked the Lord to break my heart for what breaks His, I've asked Him to open my eyes, therefore, I thank Him for doing so. I hope that He uses this situation to draw others (including me!) closer to himself and I hope that I honor Him in my actions.
