I posted a much shorter version of this on Facebook several days ago, but I felt like it was too quick and lacking in many things so I wanted to dig a bit deeper and share more.

Patrick a recent visitor and Ema headed to Nairobi so Patrick and the rest of the team could head back to Texas.

Often times when telling others what God allows us to do here in Kenya the response includes “You are such a blessing to those children.” My first reaction is to push that away because I don’t take compliments well. But whatever truth lies in that statement pales in comparison to the amount these children bless me.

Joesph is usually always happy, he may not always show that amazing smile, but it is in there!

Over the last 6 years or so I’ve had a front row seat to the growth God has been doing in Ema’s, Meshack’s, and Joseph’s lives (and many others). We’ve sat stagnant in the filth for way too long, we’ve backslid to keep from being vulnerable more times than I can count, we’ve watched Ema walk away from our home and break our hearts over and over and over again. Some days I can vividly remember the begging and pleading that I did with him and the heartbreak that I have felt over and over again when he chose to walk away.

But God! He kept drawing them closer to Himself, slowly He broke down barriers in their hearts and minds, He drew them to himself over and over again, never giving up on them due to their rejection of Him. Two Sunday’s ago I held back tears and wiped some away as they were baptized as real believers in Jesus Christ. I’ve watched the scales be removed from their eyes, I’ve seen JOY in their precious faces, I’ve watched them wrestle with culture and choose to follow the Bible, I’ve seen them love others even when it has been so difficult, I’ve seen them care for others, truly care for them, and I’ve watched them give freely of themselves over and over again because it is the right thing to do and not the easy way out.

Recently they have all shared their heart with me in a way that my heart has LONGED for. They have shared openly about their feelings which at some points in our journey I wasn’t even sure they had anymore. They have shared deep painful thoughts and beliefs about themselves and have allowed me to share mine as well. We have joked, reminisced about the old days, talked about Jesus and where He has brought us from, and talked about their future and what they want that to look like. These last few weeks have been such a huge blessing to me and really my words to describe my feelings are so inadequate here.

Ema out in the village delivering the Gospel and mattresses.

In some ways it feels like I’m getting glimpses of fruit. I’m seeing a small amount of the change I have longed for since knowing I was moving to Kenya. If this, these 3 amazing young men coming to Jesus, is the only fruit I ever see, they were worth it. They are worth every tear I have cried, every hardship I have faced, every struggle that I’ve come across, every sleepless night, every setback, and every time my heart has broken for them. I’d do it all again and again to know these boys’ hearts, the blessing that they are, and to see them know and understand that Christ died for them!

Meshack at a local school passing out the Gospel written in Swahili for all of the student to take home after hearing the Gosple.

When moving to Kenya James 1:27 was “my verse”, I felt like I could reflect on that verse when things got tough and it would refocus me. But over the last seveal years God has given me Romans 8:28 “And we know that for thise who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose” and James 1:2-4 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing,” to cling to these last several years. I’ve watched these 2 verses be so true for me, and while I used to panic when bad things happen, I now look for Him and how He is going to use “this” in my life. It is true that He works ALL things together for our good and that we should count it ALL joy. He’s using it all to grow us more and more. I would have never chosen the heartbreak that I have experienced, but through the heartbreak I have learned and gained so much.

Meshack has become Karson’s “left-hand man” (Karson is left-handed) and is such a big help around here. Meshack’s plan is to stay on staff at Mercy Ministries after graduating at the end of this year.

Ema, I knew you were capable of this all along. I’m sorry for the times I wanted to give up on you, I am so thankful God kept my heart soft towards you time and time again. I don’t know how I would have handled you completely giving up on us and yourself. To think that you could be back on the streets right now is so hard for me to even imagine. Thank you for being brave and being honest with me when it was so incredibly hard. Thank you for seeing my pain and pushing through yours to check on me. You will never know how much it means to me to be your Mama. You are a joy and you are deeply loved by many, but especially by your Mama. Watching you love and care for others the way you do brings a smile to my face and a warmness in my heart. Being your Mama is one of my greatest joys in life.

Ema sharing the Gosple during recent home visits.

Meshack, watching you change from a young man who completely wanted to follow the culture into a man who wants to stand for truth has been amazing. I didn’t think you would be open to that change and there were times I thought you would leave here as soon as you got a chance. I am sorry for being distant at times, I truly felt that, that is what you wanted. Thank you for being willing to be vulnerable and for sharing your heart with me. Feelings are hard to share sometimes, especially when they are painful, thank you for trusting me with those. You are so precious to me and I couldn’t be more proud of you. As we move into this next season of life with you I cannot wait to see how God continues to move and grow you. You are going to be a great husband and father with God’s help. Thank you for allowing me to be your Mama.

Joseph, my silent and gentle son. You may not always say what is in your heart but those who spend the most time with you know your heart. I remember visiting you in town and wondering if you’d ever come home. Now you’ve been home for 6+ years and you are such an amazing young man. You seem to always be looking for ways to serve others and that is such a sweet gift. Your sweet smile communicates so much about you! Thank you for letting me love you all of these years and being such a blessing to me! I am excited to see how God continues to grow you in the coming years.

Blessings

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