Several Thursdays ago…everything about this day was out of order, it was continually changing, and wrenches were thrown our way throughout the day. Around noon I found out that I needed to rush to town to gather lots of items so that they could be delivered to the NICU that evening. Jeff was with our visitors delivering the Gospel and mattresses and so we needed to divide and conquer. Since we had so many things we needed to get in a short amount of time I decided to take one of our Kenyan children (teen) with me along with Karson and Joy…more hands make lighter work after all!

Sweet boys waiting to play football during PE at MCA. I've had the privilege of being Wilbur's (middle) Mama for the last & years and he is such a joy!

As we were rushing from one store to another our Kenyan child asked me “Have you ever seen my mother?” It was such an out of the blue question that I knew I needed more information. I replied “no” and then asked “why?”. The mother in question was pointed out to me as she was walking by my window. I asked him if he was going to talk to her and he said that he should. So off he goes out of the truck to track down his mother who he hasn’t seen in 5 or so years. In those next few minutes while he was talking with his mother I had a flood of emotions running through my brain and heart for him…all of them were devastating. I knew seeing her would be so incredibly hard for him. I knew it would bring up past hurts and feelings of rejection. I knew this would hurt his heart. And ultimately I knew it would leave him reeling emotionally and I wasn’t sure how he would handle that.

He got back in the truck after about 4 minutes and we drove away. The rest of the day we were so busy, but my heart was so heavy for him and I felt like I had a stack of bricks sitting on my chest. I couldn’t move past the idea that my sweet, sweet son was devastated by his interactions with his Mom earlier in the day. Late that night I caught up with him while he was outside cleaning up the ping pong table before bed. I asked him how he was and he said he was “okay”, but I pushed for more words and feelings than just “okay”. After all I wasn’t “okay” from his interactions with her so I knew he couldn’t have been either.

The words and tears that followed broke my Mama heart into a million pieces. His feelings and thoughts absolutely gutted me. As a stood beside the ping pong table, tears now streaming down my face, I asked some very hard questions. These hard questions were met with even harder answers than I was prepared for and more tears.

As he shared his heart with me I realized that even though we have been intentional in our parenting, we were still missing some pretty big things that we needed to address. He was still tucking untrue thoughts deep into his heart. He was believing lies about himself. He was carrying weight that wasn’t his to carry. He was accepting lies others had said about him and in many ways, these horrible things had already become his identity. And in those painful, tear-filled moments, I again, became incredibly thankful for the abusive and tumultuous childhood I had.

That may sound crazy, but I was able to understand where he was coming from, I was able to share that I too, had some of the very same thoughts growing up that he has, I was able to share my life experience with him in a real way that he also understood. I was able to connect with him on a heart level that had not happened before. I was also able to see areas that we need to dig a little deeper with our kids. This kind of pain can almost suffocate you, and now that I know that you don’t have to walk around feeling like that all of the time, I want him (and our other kids) to know that too.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

I share all of this because it is easy to forget that our kids deal with real trauma and many of them are hurting. When you mostly see pictures of happy kids it can be easy to forget they are burdened by real pain. Of course they are happy a lot of the times, but they have real feelings and hurts. Please don’t forget to pray for our kids (all the time)! While their lives have gotten much better in so many ways they still carry really heavy burdens that they were not meant to carry. Many of them have been greatly affected by the sins of those who are supposed to love them the most and I can tell you, from experience, that kind of hurt, hurts deep. Please set an alarm, hang a picture on your fridge, put a reminder in your car, write us down in your prayer journal, add our kids to your church’s prayer list, or whatever works for you. Our kids need your prayers on a regular basis.

Ephesians 3:14-21

14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. 20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

As always, thank you for your continued love and support! We are so blessed to be here helping our kids navigate these big feelings, crying with them, and loving them through it all. Y’all help make those things possible through prayer and financial support, it means more than you know and is impacting lives deeper than you know.

Easy to Forget

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